23 Mar 2019

My World Is Small


It's been a while since I have written something solid. I live in my peaceful world with two amazing little children. I love them to the core of my life. Well, yesterday I was coming down with fever and I contemplated my past few years, before these little ones were born. My blog was my baby. It filled me wholly. It showed me a new dimension of life. Coming to think of it, how could I desert my blog, my savior. I even skipped celebrating my blog's birthday last year, because I was busy preparing for the first birthday of the two angels in our lives. Yeah, my blog and the babies birthdays fall on same week.

I started writing, when I thought I had no purpose. Like they say, poems born out of your problems. Don't bother.. Basically, I'm just rambling this early in the morning, to say, I didn't forget my blog completely. Unable to lie down. Unable to sit. My joint aches. My heart sinks. Profusely sweating. Is my pressure dropping low? Or is this a symptom of a heart illness? Too much of thinking. Sometimes such thoughts will eventually depress you. So I decide to go for a walk. It's 31° outside and I'm feeling cold, suddenly. I'm growing weak, I suppose. I am looking for my sweater, imagine, in this hot humid weather.. I'm sick, man!

I saw my half finished painting lying around. It's been over three weeks since I practiced with the paints. I develop a new hobby now and then and recently it's painting. I was happy and so excited when I started an abstract background on a bigger canvas. But then it didn't shape well as I expected. So I decided to make it whatever way it takes turns. Today, I find no creativity while looking at it. Sigh!

I thought my small porch garden will change my gloominess and makes me feel slightly better. With half the leaves turning yellow, and less blooms, well, actually no bloom at all today. I repotted couple of dying plants to see if they can come back alive. I watered the plants, hoping they will survive this summer. I still didn't feel any better. I came back in to see my birds flying out of the cage, chirping happily. My backyard is filled with their beautiful tunes, yet I couldn't enjoy. I just want to lie down a bit. But...

Our maid has arrived. House keeping work started. Have to do laundry. Omelette for breakfast. And my grandmother is calling me already. We have to take the children for vaccination today. And, I still have to plan for the rest of the day, with my mother. So much of planning is there and the difficult one is to decide what to cook for lunch and dinner. And everyday, it is a new quest.

As I dwell in my forlorn mood, my home.. my family is waiting for me. And I need some rest now to get on my feet. While I do that, I'm just musing, kinda!

You know, my world is very small.

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